I say your uncle was a crooked French Canadian

I give. 
My hands are up.
I'm on my knees choking on my own bile.
I give.


I cut last night. Twice on the usual spot.
The skin seems so much rougher than before.
And a million times more sensitive.

I wasn't all that hesitant, really. 
I know how to hide it and I know who to avoid.
Intentions of stopping this time?
Oh ho hoo..maybe.
Most likely.

will I post this information to the razors community?
chh, maybe. all depends.

I'm just tired of trying.
I put all of my effort into something and someone.
I'm exhausted.

I love that boy
I always have and I always will
It's something that you just know
Regardless of the distance and the long periods of silence

I finally told him this [after not seeing each other for a year]
But it didn't matter to him
He just held me, trying to comfort me
And he only held me because I was crying

I never made an impact on his life
He doesn't think about me
He doesn't know what happened this past year [and that most of it was his fault]
I just wasn't the girl to break him at all.

I don't matter to him and my words don't matter to him.


I'm tired of being like this.

and you know, he wasn't here through any of it. he wasn't HERE. he wasn't around. he never had the slightest idea of "omg. that one girl..could she be....could she be suffering?!?!". fuck

"Anyone here had a go at themselves
for a laugh? Anyone opened their wrists
with a blade in the bath? Those in the dark
at the back, listen hard. Those at the front
in the know, those of us who have, hands up,
let's show that inch of lacerated skin
between the forearm and the fist. Let's tell it
like it is: strong drink, a crimson tidemark
round the tub, a yard of lint, white towels
washed a dozen times, still pink. Tough luck.
A passion then for watches, bangles, cuffs.
A likely story: you were lashed by brambles
picking berries from the woods. Come clean, come good,
repeat with me the punch line 'Just like blood'
when those at the back rush forward to say
how a little love goes a long long long way."

-"I Say I Say I Say," Simon Armitage


mmm<3

quick update on some..events: TRUST

So my birthday, it's this Friday and stuff.
It was looking good for a while there. Really good.
Lots and lots and lots of fun.
Not so much now.
It'll probably just end up being me, the stars, and a blanket.

Something always fucking happens.

I can't keep doing this shit.
I can't be like this.

So I've been watching The Virgin Suicides a lot. [a must see]
And reading. Lots of reading.

I'm getting my routine back down.
I need my sleep.

Lauren and I might go see Death Cab For Cutie.
:]]]]]]]]]

Oh, and I think I'm going to start writing again.
Just slowly :-/

I'm going on a vacation.
Don't call me
Don't write
yeah yeah?


fuck

I woke up in a funk 13 months ago.
Things have been very uncomfortable like that ever since :-/



so I'm wearing my silly hat.
it makes me feel silly.
not really, but it's nice to have it on.
it's yellow. but apparently yellow sends signals of anger to your brain.
that's what Lauren Valdivia says. 
She's always right.


anyone else miss the snow?

So Texas was absolutely awful :[
Though, I did fall in love with a Cowboy.
He was adorable. People from the South are so much nicer.

So that's why I've decided that I'm running off to Oklahoma.
Living with the cowboy forever, I suppose.


well no, not really. but I do plan on seeing him again.
along with the other pals from Oklahoma and Texas.



Tell Mrs. Cahill and Mrs. Harpster to fuck off



Anthony walked to his death because he thought he'd never feel this way again
If he goes back to the house then things would go from bad to worse, what could he do?
He wants to remember things exactly as he left them on that FUNNY DAY
And if there is something else beyond, he isn't scared because
It's bound to be less boring than today
It's bound to be less boring than tomorrow

So this whole going to Texas thing is very exciting.
And, no, I don't think I'm coming back.

GreenRaincoats (1:39:35 AM): and incase nobody's figured it out, I've kinda got a crush on you
GreenRaincoats (1:39:38 AM): brb
Seven Ice Cubes (1:40:04 AM): thats interesting
GreenRaincoats (1:42:01 AM): back
GreenRaincoats (1:42:02 AM): and yeah it is

GreenRaincoats (1:47:08 AM): so you seriously have nothing more to say to that?
Seven Ice Cubes (1:47:13 AM): hmm?
GreenRaincoats (1:47:27 AM): GreenRaincoats: and incase nobody's figured it out, I've kinda got a crush on you
Seven Ice Cubes (1:47:51 AM): ohh...umm...what do you expect me to say?
GreenRaincoats (1:48:15 AM): I dunno. some sort of remark letting me know how you feel about that?
Seven Ice Cubes (1:48:37 AM): oh...how i feel randi?
GreenRaincoats (1:48:46 AM): lol
GreenRaincoats (1:48:52 AM): oh I forgot. you can't feel
GreenRaincoats (1:48:55 AM): you're a robot
Seven Ice Cubes (1:49:08 AM): if i recall i am "the biggest asshole on planet earth," i cant feel

Seven Ice Cubes (2:05:37 AM): did it snow?
GreenRaincoats (2:05:44 AM): what?!?
GreenRaincoats (2:05:54 AM): paaaaul. any thoughts? if not, let's talk about chocolate milk
Seven Ice Cubes (2:05:56 AM): i think it snowed
GreenRaincoats (2:06:11 AM): bahhh. fuck. I quit
Seven Ice Cubes (2:06:45 AM): okay...fine...we'll talk about my feelings on the subject but i really dont understand what you mean by that
GreenRaincoats (2:07:08 AM): do you care about what I said or not? is it good new or bad news? wtf mate?!?!?
GreenRaincoats (2:07:12 AM): 8-)
Seven Ice Cubes (2:07:39 AM): hey...thats coreys thing...and it definetly isnt bad news

GreenRaincoats (2:29:23 AM): you're still very confusing
Seven Ice Cubes (2:29:29 AM): why?
GreenRaincoats (2:30:25 AM): I say something and the most useful thing I can get back is "it's definitely not bad news"
Seven Ice Cubes (2:30:35 AM): lol...damn
GreenRaincoats (2:30:43 AM): seriously.
Seven Ice Cubes (2:31:22 AM): okay randi...if i told you what you told me, and asked for your feelings on that subject, what would you say?
GreenRaincoats (2:31:54 AM): me? "rad let's hold hands motherfucker". but that's just me
Seven Ice Cubes (2:32:13 AM): rad, lets hold hands motherfucker?
GreenRaincoats (2:32:18 AM): haha. exactly
Seven Ice Cubes (2:32:36 AM): okay randi, fine...
Seven Ice Cubes (2:32:45 AM): rad lets hold hands motherfucker



I dunno. whatever.. I think our conversations are pretty fucking cute.